Smart tipping

tipping a smart car

You have all heard of Cow Tipping, right? This is when one of our country cousins sneaks up on an upright and unsuspecting Elsie and pushes it over. Many regard it as an urban legend, but hey what do I know. It is supposed to be because cows are regarded as slow and weak legged

Now we have the 21st century equivalent, Smart Tipping.

Authorities in San Francisco are investigating  four teeny tiny Smart cars found turned over on their sides on Monday.

Seven suspects wearing hooded sweatshirts were reported in the area.

Other instances of vandalism of the small cars have been reported in Canada and the Netherlands, where at least one vehicle was dumped into a canal.

California authorities are looking into whether the latest incidents on Monday morning were an act of vandalism or a campaign against the teeny tiny pets of the eco-conscious, which weigh less than 2,000lbs and are also slow and weak legged

I wonder how long it will be before vandals start Prius Tipping too.

Star Trek Bikes

Over the last several years, boffins hidden in a garden shed in Acton Trussel have been working on a force field to protect bicycle riders. This force field detects the presence of other vehicles and automatically protects the rider from any collisions. The power source for this field is small black hole that absorbs all Stable Environmental Node Sonic Emissions from the rider.

Not only that, but an enhancement to the force field generator makes the bike and rider visible to all traffic no matter what the lighting or weather conditions.

Mr. Ivor Branecramp of the National University Testing Symposium said in a public statement that this startling breakthrough was the result of gene pool cleaning techniques demonstrated by an increasing percentage of riders.

My. Branecramp went on further to say that Newton’s Three Laws were also suspended by use of this field, but a side effect was that all traffic lights were no longer visible to riders.

In a final statement issued later, it was pointed out that the software for this technology was in Beta testing, and riders could expect hard crashes at any time and should ride accordingly.

A Confession

My name is Lee and I’m a gasaholic.

I first became aware of my addiction at age 16, when I would sit and look through color pictures of Ferrarris, Porsches and even American muscle cars such as the Ford Mustang. My mouth would be dry and I would sit and image myself at the wheel. I would lay awake at night and dream of the touch of the leather, the smoothness of the walnut interiors and the sheer excitement of pedal to the metal.

In those days, having a desire for excess horsepower was not seen as an assault against Mother Nature, and only the insurance companies had seen the light and were penalizing the few that dared to bring their fetish out into the light and puchase one of these gasoline and tire devouring monsters.

Of the British cars, those that drove minis, except for the hallowed Cooper S, were thought of as strange, and you wouldn’t invite them to your next Poker Party. You might allow them to date your sister, as they were safe.  As for the other British cars of that time period, only the Jag stood out. I was a fan of horsepower, sheer unadulterated vehicular testosterone.

But time has passed, and awareness of all things environmental has been raised by the great prophet Gore. Our children have been brought up to see and point out our errors as teachers have instilled the virtues of tropical rainforests, their sacred duty to conserve fossil fuels and to turn off lights. PETA has lectured them on the cruelty to animals involvd in Connolly leather upholstery, and the potential for insect injury if an innocent fly hits your windshield at high speed.  Local politicians have declared total war on the car, under the guise of reverence for public transport, and even Hollywood celebrities in their constant search for the next social mission are driving around in electric or hybrid cars.

So the kids are against me, the politicians are against me, the celebrities are against me, the teachers are against me, PETA are against me and horror of horrors Al Gore is against me.

You know what – at least I’m honest about my fun. Al Gore jets around the planet preaching conservation, yet has a carbon footprint the size of Manhatten. We see politicians preaching what is good for you, whilst fiddling their expenses and being chauffeured around in limosines. PETA are a bunch of crackpots that can ignore all of the suffering in the world to save a butterfly, and children are easy marks for social engineering.  Hollywood celebrities conventiently forget to mention their second cars are Hummers or Maybachs.

My name is Lee, I’m a gasaholic and proud of it